Dear Dr Ricky,
I watched you on Sid Roth today and was moved to hear your testimony..wow!
This is a longish message so please excuse the length!!!!
I'm finding it hard to reach out but feeling absolutely overwhelmed, hopeless, stuck, trapped and so so tired!! The weight is great and I can't even seem to break through this spirituality dry period and pray for my family/my mum/myself etc, etc!!!!!
My mum is in the final stages of chronic heart failure. The burden of mum's illnesses/her destiny is great and her health is deteriorating rapidly. She's under the care of hospice which helps manage her symptoms but she's a closed book when it comes to Jesus and her salvation! I feel intense burden as I can't (no matter how hard I try) muster the courage to witness to her (I don't want to upset or end up fighting with her). I'm frightened if she passes away without knowing the truth and God will punish me as I haven't spoken up. I know I just need to open my mouth but I don't have the words!!!
Our son (12 years old) is super hard work and I'm not coping so well with his autism and quirky mannerisms! I home school him as he suffers from severe anxiety and the days are endless with battles over everyday things such as eating, going out, sensory issues etc! It feels like groundhog day all over again. I'm tired and I feel absolutely trapped in a situation I don't want to be in!
Our daughter (16 years old) is awesome and gives life 100% ;0) She's hard work in a different way (she has Down Syndrome, Alopecia totatalis, Crohn's Disease and hearing issues as she has no eardrums). She's so affectionate and totally lovely. She battles through life with her intellectual and physical disabilities and she does it courageously (but it breaks mummy's heart time & time again!!).
My husband is wonderful and I feel so blessed to have such a supportive and caring husband. Its taken me many, many years to see/appreciate this and I thank God he's opened my eyes. He works so hard and such long hours that I worry about his health. We have no other option..its living from week to week. I appreciate he has a job, works so hard for us and that he's such an awesome husband/dad. He carries the burden of us all!!
I suppose the biggest burden (for me) is the feeling of being trapped with no other options that crushes me!! The thought of still being in this hopeless situation ten years down the track with our two special kids, little money, no future with a hope, no joy, no fulfillment..just living day by day to eventually pass away having not really lived life at all!!
I'm so sorry.. I know I sound like such a selfish person!!! I'm so consciousness of the fact many people's life's are similar or the same! We have countless blessings like food, water, shelter, safety, family etc and I don't want to lose sight of that and become completely unappreciative!!
I feel so vulnerable writing theses words but I'm desperate!! We need miracles and a touch from God to get through this very long dry season. Would you please pray for us? I need a reason to keep going!
Thank you and much love from me in New Zealand xx